The Tired Writer

So, to be completely honest, I sit here unprepared to write a blog. Tired, achy, sweatpants and a t-shirt I slept in, clutching a New Orleans Saints teddy bear to my chest. I'm missing the key ingredient to any writer.

The cup of coffee. 

Whether you are a college student writing a paper, or a big hit author churning out your next big hit, you need your coffee or tea when you sit down to write. This is almost like some unwritten rule set in stone for us. This hot drink becomes our very life and essence. We are, in a way, entirely dependent on it for survival. Without it, where would we be?

Still laying in bed, wondering if we will ever pick up the pen again.

Actually, at the moment, I think I really just want an excuse to get tea, but that requires getting up. And the kitchen is all the way on the other end of the house. I'm not moving.

Actually, I quite like just sitting here, listening to the rock music coming from my computer. Simple things like this make days like yesterday, the utter and complete hell that yesterday and the day before were, just melt away into nothing. Books do the same thing. They take you away from the harsh, unforgiving, painful realities of the world and present you with a release. An escape, if I may say.

I can't wait for the day that someone looks to my books for their escape. Someday, I'll get to know it. And every day until then is just another walk through the layers of hell, waiting as my feet burn and blister, my shoulders hunch and ache and my face transforms from that happy, innocent child to a worn and weary adult. But it isn't the cosmetics of this that bother me. It's how my face feels in return.

That aside, I don't know if I'll get any work done today. I'm on chapter twenty, at the moment. As of chapter nineteen, my word count was 60647. Happy indeed. But not as happy as everything will be when that word count reads as 100,000. Then, I may just cry. Actually, I'm fairly certain that my final word count will be more than that.

On top of all my hopes and dreams with this book, I have more worries than you could ever imagine. Will people like it? Are the characters easy to relate to, despite not being human? Are the characters flat to everyone but myself? Do I evoke the right emotions at the right time? And what about the pacing? Is it too swift and confusing?

So many questions, with no answers until the book finds the way to shelf. There are some nights, when I think about this book, I cry myself to sleep. Not worrying about my own future, but these characters I have come to love. This book is their story, and they entrusted me to handle it. To write it and hand it off to the world. Will I have done a good job? Or, at the end of the day, will they mock me inside my head?

I suppose, in a way, Ikedo, Maserai, Vashian and Da'na could all be interpreted as psychotic illusions in my mind born after my mother's death. But I don't care. So what? They are my children, in a way. I've watched them live and grow, and when this book is published I will, as good parents in the real world do, send them out into the world. Of course I will worry if they will sink or swim. Of course I fear that, if they survive the real world and gain a fan following, the fans will do horrifying things to the characters.

(Ikedo, please never forget that I do worry about you. No matter how much I abuse you.)

I do have pictures of Ikedo and Maserai. Pictures I've commissioned from a wonderful artist on deviantArt who goes by the screenname Lumaris. She is truly a sweet person and very fun to talk to. Anyone who wants beautiful rendered artwork should go to her.

Although, at the moment, her commissions are closed indefinitely. If they ever return, I will link to her page. Then you guys can all attack her and give her your money. (I've already spent so much on commissions, but the quality is undeniably amazing. As is the service.)

These would be the pieces I've commissioned so far.

 Ikedo's rough sketch, to give an idea of his design. His wings are so pretty!

 This is a speedpaint of Ikedo and Maserai. The tenderness of this picture has always just blown me away.

 This was actually based on a piece I had written that is completely non-canonical. I always thought Maserai actually looked a little tired, which is good. Because, much like myself, she is always tired. And also, I love her boots to bits.

Maserai's rough sketch. I love the textured appeal. And, again. I love those boots. They're sexy. And no one comment about the cape deal going on there. It looks wonderful.


Okay, now that you all have met the two heroes, I would love to have been able to show you the two villains, but... I never ordered commissions of them. And this isn't even discussing characters like Siin, Keirin, Kuroi, Higishi, Jigosu, Yio and all the others!


I do love each character just as much as the least, though. I'm also working on a little guide for myself and my beautiful girlfriend who is helping me with this series. The whole series in itself is called The History of Cruor. The set these characters are from is from the Phoenix History, which will, as far as I know, consist of three or four books. After I finish them, I'm going to be working on writing the very beginning of Cruor's history, which involves the gods of the world. 

Each set of books will have something for adults, teenagers and children. I want people to be able to read about Cruor no matter their age or reading level. Of course, the children's books will be supervised and written by my girlfriend, for which I am eternally grateful. And, because of this, I know nothing going on with those books. And I'm totally fine with it.

That's all for today, I think. So, until next time!

Sincerely,

Your Tired, Wannabe Author, Krystiana.