So, I have remained mostly quiet. And kept you mostly out of my life. For this, you have my sincerest of apologies. Some days, sitting down to write feels like being part of the war efforts. Others, it is a jovial experience like a parade.
I wanted this blog to be something I can look back on when I get published. Smile and laugh at how difficult things seemed. Mock my own annoying habits and giggle at my insomnia induced rambling.
Today, I come to you, weary and achy, recovering from some godforsaken illness... A dear friend of mine is losing everything, my world of words is still crashing all around me. I no longer have the strength to even "perch" like I always did. My beloved is losing her home, and I my sanity and funds.
All I want... Is to know when I will stop being tired. When will I rise from bed, at the time the sun rises in the sky, and feel like a mighty Phoenix? Like I so very much claim to be...
I want to feel strong again. I want to feel like fire again. I want to burn so bright and powerful, that even the sun stops to stare.
I miss Ikedo's presence. I miss the dreams, the "conversations". I missed when he felt real! With him, lies to strength of not only the Queen he loves so very much, but my strength as well. We depend on him for life. For stability. For power. And we crave his attention. Like hungry lovers, waiting in his harem, we wish for his words. His embrace. We wish only to be acknowledged and loved by him.
But why?
Why him? Why me? How did I become the one cursed to know him? Cursed to meet him?
Do I regret any of it...?
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